Living in a fish bowl

“Living in a fishbowl…”, Random thoughts.


It is a picture that went beyond a thousand words. A house drawn from the mind of a child. There was nothing to distinguish it from any other picture of a seven year old’s vision of a house except that, in this particular drawing the house was covered with eyes. Eyes of different shapes and sizes, in different colours sketched all over in a random manner. .Afterwards, while talking about the picture with him, I asked him about this house and his reply still resonates within me “My house is always watching me….”
In the course of the next few sessions with both the parent and child, it came to light that the parents literally monitored every move of this young child; they had hidden cameras in the rooms.

While scenario is extreme, as a parent bringing up a child in these times, I often wonder the pressure we place on our children by constantly watching them. With my own son, I find myself many times having to hold back from over directing and over correcting him. To allow him that space and time to explore, make mistakes and find his own solutions. It is ironical; the more “informed” we are the more, we live in an atmosphere of fear and suspicion. The onslaught of information telling us how many things can go wrong puts such a pressure on the parent to do things “right” Slowly we lose the confidence to listen to our own inner voice, because our own inner voice is swamped and hidden under a barrage of theories and concepts. And our children bear the brunt of our anxieties and insecurities. Constantly being directed and told what they should do and rarely valued for their individuality must be a strain. Recently, a class teacher asked for the child’s parents to be brought in-the reason- he threw a paper rocket at her in class. The whole issue snowballed from something which is an age old tradition for all students to do, to sending the child to a counselor. Everything needs to be talked about, discussed until it is thread bare and in the process ,we don’t allow ourselves the freedom to reflect and realize that all problems need not have a soluition.That sometimes we need to leave it to time and the mysteries of the universe to unravel…


On trips outside the frenzy of the city, it is a pleasure to observe the dynamics between parents and children. The first thing that one observes is that the faces radiate a certain sense of calm and openness. Children are not given too much attention…they seem more confident as they are brought up a part of a whole community. There were more open to sharing and there was an absence of that urban whine and demand. Our poor children are swamped by so much choice and attention that the stress shows in this symptomatic behavior- To always be in the spotlight, most often in a negative light, must be very disturbing. In my own experience, I find that my son is happiest when he is playing a game of hide and seek or tossing the ball with other kids. Recently, a whole group of them went “dragon” hunting in the building, their imagination trying to capture the dragon in the most interesting way- it was a pleasure to watch them, living in the moment and exuding a sense of joy in their play. The fancy gadgets and toys remained untouched in the toy cupboard.


Allowing children to interact with nature is a natural way for children to learn so much. Observing and following a trail of ants, watching crows and squirrels battle for that piece of bread and observing the lifecycles in nature keeps they connected. It engages them for hours and often will lead to a barrage of questions which will really confound you. (Help-google!!)Most importantly, it will lead to an understanding that we are part of the web of life.


How do we give our children the freedom to explore, in these times when open spaces to play are vanishing and communities are breaking down, resulting in an atmosphere of distrust and fear? When every morning the newspapers tell a hundred stories that compound our fears? How do we give them the experiences in life, without constantly watching them?

There are no easy answers. Perhaps, we can, in the little fishbowls they live in give them just an illusory sense of freedom…